Easy Advice for a Tough Situation

Attempting to Co-Parent.

First off, I need to apologize for my lack of entries lately. I really enjoy doing this blog, and I love sharing my experiences and helping where I can. I feel like it kinda takes a toll trying to deal with every day life, deal with an ex, and then come on here, and be happy and chipper and give the best advice possible.
But here I am.. I’m back, and I promise to try and post more often.

Recently, someone I know has been going through a divorce/separation. Id like to say that shes going through a divorce with a man…but hes far from that. Hes a child.

They have a child together.

As easy as it is to be biased in this situation, I try not to be. Hes a dad, I’m a dad, normally I should be understanding, and try see his point of view… but his point of view is out of this world.

He had an affair.

I’ve mentioned this girl before.. its Lexi. Remember my girly girl when I moved back here? Yup… same girl.

Lexi is one of the kindest, sweetest, most caring person you will ever meet. Shes the type of girl that will literally do absolutely anything for anyone.

One problem with that…. People take advantage.

Cue her ex. We are gonna call him Lionel. Why Lionel? He looks like a Lionel..

This manchild has an exaggerated sense of self-importance. His main priority in life is fabricated success, fabricated power, and fabricated success…. but thats a story for another time.

Lionel cheated on Lexi. He “went on business” and cheated. Not that cheating is ever ok, but having a daughter, you would hope would stop you from ever consider being with someone else.

Lexi was smart. Once she found out about the infidelity, she got out. And she got out quickly.

I’m gonna skip a lot of the financial stuff, because its long, and i’m not here to completely bash the dude… lets just say.. he doesn’t pay his way.

With the divorce still ongoing, custody is always a sensitive topic. Lexi had agreed to try 50/50. After all, Lionel never missed visitations, he took her when he was supposed to, he was in all accounts being a dad.

When people talk about the term 50/50, most people are referring to equal custody… equal shared time..etc. Which is correct, but as a parent, 50/50 should mean 50% parenting.

See the difference? Sure you can spend 50% of your time with mom, and 50% of your time with dad…. but then you have to be all in at 50%.

In this case, even though Lionel and Lexi are sharing 50/50 custody, Mr. Lionel, isn’t sharing 50% of the responsibility of being a parent.

If you are going to be in a 50/50 custody arrangement, be prepared to help out and bring your child to activities. Be prepared to take your child to school functions. A lot of parents out there want the 50/50 because you wont have to pay child support. WRONG! You do have to pay if you make more than your other spouse.

This is such a horribly wrong reason to want 50/50. In my case. I want 50/50 because I want my kids more. I want them and I to have a great relationship. I want to be part of their lives.

Not this guy.

Dude.. Grow up.

For example. Lionel’s daughter loves to swim. LOVES IT. You put this little girl into the pool, she will refuse to leave.

She has been in swimming lessons since I’ve known her. Lexi has made it clear to Lionel, that she will be putting their daughter into swimming lessons for the upcoming class, but that since they are 50/50, he is going to have to take her when it falls on her day.

Shes not asking for this dude to build her a pool and commit his life to teaching her to swim… nope.. shes asking him to take her to swimming lessons on a Saturday when she is with him.

He refuses. Heres some excuses.

  1. Hes busy on Saturdays.
  2. He goes back to the town his mom lives in on Saturdays
  3. Saturdays are the days he does things with his daughter.
  4. Nothing is open on Sundays, so he does everything on Saturday.

Blah, Blah, Blah.

Heres what I hear.

  1. Excuse.
  2. Excuse.
  3. Excuse..
  4. Excuse.

When you have a child with someone, what you want doesn’t really matter any more. Your child comes first. You signed up for it… you slipped one passed the goalie, and you damn sure didn’t wrap it up….. Time to be a dad.

I’m going start to sound like a broke record and I apologize. If you have a child.. Be a dad. Be present. Who cares what your agenda is. Who cares what you think you are gonna miss on the weekend by taking your child swimming. Your child is going to love spending that time with you and love showing you what he or she can do in the pool.

Whether its swimming, baseball, football, hockey, dance, golf, ballet…. Show an interest. It takes an hour out of your day. Man up … be a dad.

Lexi has tried to compromise, but the truth of the matter is that there might only be one day that she can get her daughter into swimming lessons.

The sad part…

He wont compromise. It has to be his way… or no way.

To be continued…….

I was going to end it with that… but there’s one more thing that ol Lionel does that absolutely pisses me off.

Lexi has one request when her daughter is with Manchild. All she asks is that he allows Lexi to facetime with her daughter every couple of nights when he has their daughter. Simple right…. NOT.AT.ALL.

He refuses… again. excuse after excuse. The new one is that “he doesn’t bother Lexi during her time”

Um… no… You’re a loser, and only pretend to be a dad when its convienient for you.

What hes doing is alienating his daughter. This one is a minor case… but at the end of the day is alienation, and its child abuse. Both Lexi and Lionel, should give every opportunity to their child to have a relationship with the other parent. I see Lexi try… why cant he..

Ill end this entry, cuz im getting worked up. But I wanna part with this:

When you are going to through a separation or divorce that includes a child. Your feelings towards your ex do not matter any more. It doesn’t mean anything if you hate him, or her, or vice versa… The absolute only thing that means anything, is the look on the face of that innocent little child.

Our kids cant fight for themselves. A 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, even 10 year old child, doesn’t have a voice.. They are still too young to really understand what is going on. They don’t know why mom and dad aren’t together, but they rely on us to make sure they have a relationship with both parents. They rely on us to make sure they aren’t missing out on life because mom and dad are going through a divorce.

Put your kids first. They, just like you, live one time on this earth. Set them up to have the best, happiest live they can have.

Lionel is preventing that right now.

Who suffers?

Not Lexi…….

His daughter.

What kind of man would ever want to hurt his daughter?

thebarkingdad@gmail.com

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