Easy Advice for a Tough Situation

The Run Around..

Being a single dad, you really know how you would like things to play out. You have a different set of thoughts than your ex most times, and more times than not, you just don’t see eye to eye. Lately, I have found myself completely dumbfounded by Trudys thinking. Let me explain.

Now that I am in the same city as the kids, you would think it would be a no brainer for me to be more involved. I don’t even mean custody wise. That will be figured out by itself.. and very soon.

What I mean… is extra time. When Trudy is at work extra time.

My kids are very active in other activities. Trudy also works shifts… which means there is a lot of time that she isn’t home. Luckily my son is old enough to be home alone, and can watch his sister.

Lately, while Trudy has been at work, my son and daughters activities are falling during her work time. Wouldn’t it make more sense to have their dad pick them up and take them to these activities???

You would think so.

Nope…. she will instead ask her parents to take them, or will place the task of driving them around with her new Fiance. Not their dad.

Just doesn’t make sense.

My kids have asked numerous times why Dad cant take them. And she will answer back with the infamous “he can change it if he wants.” Very true, and i’m going to, but so can you. There is absolutely no reason to get the courts involved in order for me to spent a few more hours a week with my kids.

Its absolutely disgusting how immature, and petty she is being. If she would ask the kids who they would want to take them. I guarantee they would choose me everyday of the week.

Her “he can change it if he wants” comment is getting old really fast. Last week, she told my son that “its her time with them, not mine”.. my son quickly quipped back “but you wont even be home, you’ll be working” and again she replies “he can change it if he wants.”

My son is 12. Hes at the age that he sees whats going on, and hes getting frustrated by it. And rightfully so. It makes absolutely no sense, why you wouldn’t let your kids be with their father when you are at work anyway.

I know it kills her that i’m involved. She would like to continue on with this perfect little family illusion that she seems to have envisioned in her head.

I think maybe the worst part of it all, is that shes hurting her children. Forget me, take me outta the equation for a minute. Shes hurting her own children. They want to see their dad, they need to see their dad… and shes stopping it. Its a form of child abuse, and unfortunately our family law system turns a blind eye to it.

I’m not perfect. I don’t claim to be. But i’ve adapted. I held on to a lot of anger over the years, and have straight up despised her.. but I would never intentionally keep her from the kids.

I’ve became more civil. I treat her with respect, I treat her fiancee with respect… and i’ve moved on. There’s no use crying over spilled milk right???

I guess the reason for today’s entry is that I want to make sure that everyone out there realizes how every single decision you make, affects your child. My kids are feelings resentment towards Trudy right now…. because of her choices. My kids are acting up at home and at school…because of her choices. I’ve said it a million times. Kids need BOTH parents. That’s why it takes 2 to make them. Work together and co parent. If you think that being civil with your ex is co-parenting… its not. Making decisions together, spending equal time together, raising your kids together is co-parenting.

Time to change the narrative on separation and divorce with kids. It doesn’t have to be ugly. Starting putting the kids first. End of story.

thebarkingdad@gmail.com

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