Easy Advice for a Tough Situation

Her Fiance.

After a separation, you always dread the ex finding someone new. Well mine did.. and she did very quickly. In fact. The weekend after she left me, she was with a guy. It made me quickly realize if that was maybe the reason she had left, maybe there WAS another guy.

Over the years since our separation, different guys have come and gone. Some obviously just in it for sex, some with good intentions… but none could tame the beast. Until a couple of years ago.

Trudy has changed a lot over the years. She is not the girl that I fell madly in love with. I don’t know if its because having the kids has put a strain on her… or because the kids are growing up, and making her life a bit more difficult… I don’t know. What I do know is that she is an unpleasant person that walks around with her nose in the air.. rarely smiling.

It was late 2017 that my kids had told me that Trudy was seeing someone. I was a tad shocked. Very surprised that someone would put up with her bitchiness and well quite frankly… her ice cold demeanor.

The kids talked about him often… they didn’t like him. Even to this day I wonder if maybe he was a good guy, but they didn’t like him because he wasn’t me. My kids and I have a very strong, close knit relationship/bond. Its so close that i’ve always said that i’ll feel sorry for the dude Trudy ends up with, because my kids will never give him a chance.

This was happening now.

He was a strange fellow at first. When I would show up at Trudys house to get the kids, he would make a point of “going to the bathroom” or would leave before I got there. It got to the point that the kids thought he was scared of me. I’m not a scary dude, no need to run away. At the same time, if you are going to be around my kids, I wanna meet you.

This went on for sometime. Finally I started seeing him at my sons hockey games. He was out of hiding.

He wouldn’t come near me, wouldn’t introduce himself, as soon as I would walk over to him, he would walk away. Kinda weird right?

The kids started asking Trudy why her boyfriend would avoid me. She would tell them that he “doesn’t want to get into the middle of it”….. middle of what?! Trudy and I are getting along, the kids are happy… whats there to get into the middle of? She knew she couldn’t dodge this question forever, so finally at a hockey game last winter, her and her boyfriend walk over to me, and she introduces him to me. His name is Clive. “Well, nice to finally meet you Clive” Trudy continues that its time we finally meet, and we shake hands, and they sit down beside me. We watch my son play hockey, chatting back and fourth and for once.. getting along.

Could this be the guy?

Shes never introduced me to a boyfriend before. Maybe this is the guy that has finally scaled Mount Trudy.. Maybe this is the dude that has conquered Everest. If so, good on him.

With Winter gone, and Clive still around, I’m left wondering how long this is gonna last. Surely her true colors are going to shine through and hes gonna run for the hills….. right?

Nope.

Summer of 2018 comes and they buy a house together. A few weeks later, they are heading to Pennsylvania again to visit Trudys family. Something has me feeling like hes gonna propose while they are there.

2 nights in my son calls me. Sure enough. His mom is getting married. He proposed on the beach. I asked how his sister felt about it. ” Shes really mad dad… she stormed out of the room, and wont talk to anyone”

I think my daughter really felt deep down that something would bring her mom and I together again. Which for a time, I wont lie.. early on, I wanted that to, until she changed and put me through hell.

Knowing that Trudy was getting married didn’t bother me like I thought it would. Sure it had been 7 years since her and I were together, but I often wondered how I would feel deep down. I knew one thing… I was glad I dodged that bullet… and god speed to Clive.

The next few months, I could really see what Trudys motives were. She was happy with Clive, Clive was somehow happy with her, Clive had 2 kids of his own, and Trudy wanted this super happy family. She tried so hard to push me out so she could live happily ever after with her new perfect family….. but it hasn’t worked.

Im still here, and Im not going anywhere.

Things between Trudy and I have been a lot better the last few months. I honestly feel that Clive is the calming voice in her life that she desperately needs. Its was even getting to the point where I would waive to Clive when I saw him in the drive way, or would say hi at hockey games. We would smile, and acknowledge each other. Which I mean… why not? My kids are safe when they are with him, and most importantly, they know I am dad.

That’s whats most important.

ADVICE BLURB: NO MATTER WHO YOUR EX BRINGS INTO HIS/HER LIFE, GIVE THEM A CHANCE. THEY DIDN’T ASK TO GET BROUGHT INTO YOUR DRAMA. THEY FELL IN LOVE WITH YOUR EX.. NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO. SURE THEY ARE GOING TO BE BIASED AND STAND BESIDE YOUR EX THROUGH THICK AND THIN, BUT SHOW THEM YOUR EX IS FULL OF IT. BE YOURSELF. ITS NOT A COMPETITION WITH YOUR EXES NEW LOVE INTEREST. ALL THAT MATTERS IS YOUR KIDS. KEEP THAT RELATIONSHIP AND BOND WITH THEM AND EVERYTHING WILL SORT ITSELF OUT.

So now that Trudy is happy with Clive, and has told me that there is nothing she can do about me going for 50/50, the time is now right?

Stay tunes.

thebarkingdad@gmail.com

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