Easy Advice for a Tough Situation

Changing Lanes.

Someone once told me that if you picture yourself doing something, and continue to picture it, it will happen. Heck. even my driving instructor told me that if I pick a point in the curve of the road and keep looking at it, my hands will automatically guide me to that spot in the road.

Life is kinda the same way. Lets be honest. I’m a High School graduate. I didn’t go to college… I worked labor jobs and dead end jobs most of my young adult hood, but I always wanted more. I knew the potential I had, I knew the asset I could be for someone, I just wasn’t sure if I truly believed it or not. I had a brush of success with my company, but here I was again, staring failure smack dab in the face. I didn’t want to fail.

I was so used to my ex inlaws telling me who I was, or who I wasn’t going to be. It was time for me to picture where I wanted to be. And make it happen.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was going to go back to an industry where I worked as a grunt many years ago. I was going to go back as a grunt again. Only this time, I wanted to make something of myself.

I took the job, and I was moved out of town to work on a project. I was leaving my house, and my family to go pursue something. Pursue what? I wasn’t sure…. just something.

Luckily the project that I was going to be working on, was closer to my kids. It would make it easier for me to go and see them, and that alone was well worth it.

I quickly learned that I was making alot less money than my co workers. I didn’t care. I was trying to do something, trying to will my way into some sort of a management role. I didn’t care where, or how, but I wanted it.

After informing Trudy that I would be closer to the kids, I could tell she wasn’t thrilled. With me being closer to the kids, meant more chances for me to bug her to see the kids, also more times that we would fight over it.

And I mean, Rightfully so.

I was closer to the kids, so I should see them more right? Sound familiar??

Well I was wrong. We had an agreement through the courts, and she was sticking to her guns. Even though the agreement stated that I was able to see the kids outside the regular every third weekend, that I could see them “when agreeable to both parties.”

That meant nothing.

ADVICE BLURB: When negotiating a child care/custody ARRANGEMENT, never ever let them sell you on “when agreeable.” Chances are that magical day of agreeing will never ever come. Always make sure that in your agreement there are parameters set out that will allow you to see the kids during reasonable dates and time. If you have a custody schedule that keeps you from the kids for three weeks, make sure its written that when given enough notice, your ex will do everything in his/her power to provide you with a visitation. If he/she cant bring the kids to you, that you are able to go and pick them up if given appropriate heads up. VERY IMPORTANT.

So even though I was only an hour from the kids, she would only let me see them on my scheduled time.

Even though it sucked, I followed our agreement. It gave me time to focus on me and focus on my goals.

While working on the project for a few months, an opportunity came along. A different company that sort of dabbled in my industry, was looking to get into my industry on a more permanent basis. They were looking for someone to trail blaze a division. They wanted someone with management experience (check) something with field experience (check) someone with sales experience.(check)

This is what I had envisioned for myself months ago. This is where I wanted to be.. what I wanted to do. Best thing was…… it would bring me back to the same city that my kids were in.

During this time, I met a girl. Possibly one of the kindest, sweetest and most caring people I have ever met. We hit it off instantly. She was going through a few things, but it didn’t matter to me.. My life was no where near perfect, but I knew that I deserved to be happy. She opened her world up to me very quickly, and I learned alot about her the first few weeks. She had went through some crappy times, as had I…. if anyone was going to understand, it was her.

So we started dating exclusively.

Things were coming along.. finally after so many years of crap… things were starting to look up.

I applied for the job, and after meeting with the VP and the CEO, I was given the job. There was a little back and fourth over the salary, but I knew what I was worth, and I knew the hard work that was going to be involved in starting a division. I was on board.

My life had literally flipped 180 degrees. Just a few short months ago, I was struggling with who I was, and what kind of parent I was. I had no self worth. Going through such a long separation, and nothing ever going my way took a toll on me. I was in a dark place. I never let on to anyone how hurt I was, or how much I was struggling. I just packed it on my shoulders, and moved forward.

The whole reason for todays post is to lift someone up. Just one person. If you are going to take advice from any of my entries, let it be this one..

Know your self worth. Realize it, and don’t let anything get the way of finding it and making it a reality. We all sweat the small things. Forget about them. We live on this earth one time. Make the most of it. Figure out who you want to be, what kind of person you want to be, what kind of parent you want to be, and focus on being that person. If you put your frame of mind into your goals day in and day out. I promise that you will fulfill all of your goals and be a happy person.

You might ask why this is so important? That this blog is supposed to be about divorce, separation, child support, custody…

Maybe.. but its more about the kids.

If you obtain who you want to be through self focus, knowing your worth…. your kids are going to live better lives. They want to see mom happy, they want to see dad happy.

So be happy… Go be your best you.


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